10 Things I Love to Distraction

In the interest of this list actually being enjoyable, I offer a disclaimer. God, family and friends don't count for my purposes. It goes without saying that I love them all.


1. Coca-Cola – I am a Coke fiend. Always have been, probably always will be. Not Pepsi, or Diet Coke or any other pretenders to the throne, Coca-Cola specifically. Full of calories and ice-cold. There is no better sensation than popping that can open and feeling those fizzy bubbles hit the back of my throat. I am a Coke lover for life. If I could deliver it directly into my bloodstream, I would. Seriously.

2. Manchester United – I have been red for as long as I have understood the concept of football. From the days of Sparky to the domination of Cantona. I love Manchester United so much that when they are on top I am joyous and when they are sub-par I am moody. Ronaldo is the sparkle in my eye, Ryan Giggs is my rock in the storm.

3. 2Pac – When I was younger, I was sure that hip-hop was not my thing. N.W.A did nothing for me, and Run-DMC made my head hurt. I was more inclined towards the smooth stylings of R&B and New Jack Swing. One fateful day, I needed a new tape for my Walkman having destroyed my Boyz II Men album, and the only tape my best friend had was 2Pacalypse now. It was love at first beat and I have never looked back since. I go through phases of loving different songs old and new. My current phase has me loving ‘Holla at Me’, but one thing remains constant, I love 2pac.

4. Joss Whedon – I have made no secret of my Buffy/Angel/Firefly obsession. I thought it was limited to the TV shows, but the arrival of the comics continuing the series has reversed that opinion. I recently went to a comic conference just to hear him speak, and in that moment, I knew I was lost. There is no witticism that this man spouts that doesn’t resonate with me. He is every closet geek’s dream come true.

5. Dodo – I would have said plantain, but that would be inaccurate. I love dodo specifically. As a child, I ate it with everything possible. As an adult, I understand that nothing in the world tastes better than fresh dodo and stew with a bottle of Coke.

6. Pop culture magazines – I anxiously await the arrival of my Entertainment Weekly subscription. As soon as I land in the UK, my first task is typically to hit up WHSmith and purchase Empire Magazine. If I won the lottery tomorrow, my first task would be to buy myself a seat on the EW board. Yes, I actually care that much.

7. Internet forums – This is somewhat of a cheat because my forum love developed through my pop-culture obsession, but I have since branched out. Political forums amuse me the most. There is nothing like an unpopular opinion setting the web aflame. I live for the banter. Okay, not really, but I come pretty close.

8. Gladys Knight – It started with an unnatural obsession with ‘Midnight Train to Georgia’ and culminated in full blown obsession with my discovery of ‘I’ve Got to Use My Imagination’. Gladys speaks to my soul. I have no idea why, but her inimitable growl transports me to a different place every time.

9. Champagne – Le bubbles make me sooooo happy. I know it is a cliché, but I really do love champagne. I’m not even a connoisseur, I don’t need Dom Perignon or Cristal, a glass of Veuve Cliquot does the trick. Lest I sound like an alcoholic, I shall refrain from further waxing poetic about the glories of champers.

10. Shoes – I left the most important till last, because I truly love shoes to distraction. Whenever I step into a shoe shop, I literally have a shoe-gasm. I love to drool over completely impractical footwear that I would probably never purchase. I gives me such a thrill to see a deliciously gorgeous pair sitting on a pedestal, and a shoebox is probably the single greatest invention of all time. There is nothing better than returning home form an arduos shopping trip and cracking one open to revel at the gorgeous footwear inside. God knew exactly what he wasdoing when he gave me size 8 feet, because if he hadn’t, I would probably be bankrupt by now. One thing is for sure, I love shoes to distraction.

10 Things I Hope for in 2008

Out with the old and in with the new! 2007 seems to have flown by in a blur, and I can barely remember any resolutions I made much less whether I kept them (well…I can think of a couple, but they are not very blog friendly). To kick off the New Year, I have decided to do another ‘10 Things’ list. These are not so much resolutions, as they are things I hope and pray for this year. I have decided to split my list into tangibles and intangibles. This way I can look back on the year, and if I have achieved the tangibles I’ll know I have a pretty good hit rate.

Tangibles

1. A driver’s license – It is nothing short of depressing. At the grand old age on 28, I do not hold a driver’s license anywhere in the world. It is beyond embarrassing. It makes me shudder with mortification. It must be rectified, and so top of my list of things I am praying for this year is a driver’s license.

2. Winter sports – The theme of this year for me is adventure. I want to try new things and take risks. In my world, this equals winter sports. I have lamented very often and very loudly about how much I hate winter, so this year in effort to enjoy the season more, I want to go skiing, or snowboarding…or both. Many a bruise and bump lies ahead!

3. Beaucoup de manuscripts – This one will really take some major determination on my part. Determination to replace my laptop, determination to save up for that shiny new Macbook I so desperately crave, determination to resist the temptation to procrastinate, determination to pluck up the courage to share my work with the rest of the world…whew! Well, I guess if it was easy, then it wouldn’t be on my list of things I hope/pray for.

4. An interesting stamp in my passport – This year I want to go to a country I’ve never visited. I want to have more than a typical beach vacation. More than a trip to a European capital of culture. Somewhere in Asia/Africa/South or Central America should do the trick. Cuba would be lovely, but who knows.

5. More American friends – I am living in a British/Nigerian bubble in the US. It is a bit of a shame really as I haven’t done this intentionally, it just happened that way. All my friends are Brits or other Nigerian people for the most part. I’m not saying I don’t know any Americans, but all the Americans I socialise with are either people I know from work or my roommates! Now is as good a time as any to reverse that trend.


Intangibles

6. Wisdom – This year I pray that I grow wiser. I am already intelligent, educated, well rounded and generally very smart. Some of my choices last year did not reflect this. I know we all make mistakes, but I pray for wisdom this year and hope that this will allow me to avoid some of the pitfalls that befell me last year.

7. Perseverance – I have commitment issues. Not of the relationship variety, but generally with a lot of other things. Too often I allow myself to become side-tracked by a new bright and shiny object. More often than not, I am too far gone before I realise that I have taken my eye off the ball. In 2008 I pray that I am able to focus and persevere to achieve my goals.

8. Courage – This year signals a lot of changes for me. I pray that I have the courage to take the right fork in the road ahead. I want to find faith in my choices and the ability to follow them through and have confidence in the strength of my convictions. I want to be able to look in the mirror and acknowledge that I am steering myself down a path of my choosing, regardless of the consequences.

9. A renewed sense of responsibility – Living in a different country from most of my family and friends affords me the luxury of neglecting to call my friends and family without having to feel guilty about it. I am able to forget birthdays and anniversaries because I have a handy excuse. I don’t want to be like that anymore. It really is not in my nature to be so thoughtless. I chalk it up to extreme laziness, so in 2008 I want to reprioritise. I want to afford my relationships with family and friends the importance that they deserve. I want to nurture my bonds with those who love me instead of testing them. I want them to know that I love them just as much.

10. Love – In 2008, I want to give love to those who deserve it. I want to treat it like the precious commodity that it is and hand it out accordingly. I want to be open to receiving love. I want to be able to distinguish between real love and the impostors who so often arrive bearing her hallmarks. Most of all I want to let my love for God, and my love for myself shine through in all that I do.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

10 Things That Irritate The Shit Out Of Me

A few months ago, I wrote a post titled ’10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Me’. I really enjoyed writing it, and it has been one of my favourites so far, in fact I think I learned more about myself writing it than my blog audience did. As such, I have decided to come up with a regular ‘10 things’ feature. I would like to say I would do this on a weekly basis, but as my blog faithful know, I can less than…erm..*cough*..prolific. So although I will aim for a list per week, this might not always be the case. This list is about things that get on my last nerve, enjoy

1. Slow-mo pedestrians during rush hour. Whenever I get caught behind one of these people, I can feel the rage start to build within me till it comes to a slow boil and I have to physically restrain myself to stop from screaming ‘GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!’. Tough life having to commute in NYC.

2. Flagrant abuse of whipped cream. Since moving to New York, I have been forced to learn the hard way that when someone asks if you want whipped cream with something, the correct answer is always no. To reply otherwise will always result in the utter obliteration of whatever you are attempting to ingest. I tried being slick and asking for just a little whipped cream on my frappuccino, but apparently this translates to 1/10 coffee and a massive gushing fountain of whipped cream that cannot be controlled. Moral of the story: Just Say No.


3. Cultural snobs. I get really aggravated when people look down their noses and laugh knowingly as I pull out my copy of Harry Potter and settle in to read. They sit back with a smug expression on their faces giving me the ‘poor thing, she obviously doesn’t know any better’ look. For your information, I know more than enough not to deny my self the pleasure of reading or listening to just about anything that takes my fancy. I know just as much DH Lawrence as JK Rowling, so don’t feel sorry for me. I am enjoying myself a damn sight more than you are at this moment in time.

4. Smug Married Nigerian Women. I have nothing against married people, in fact I intend to join the ranks of the normal variety someday, but these are not the folks to whom I make reference. I am referring to those bizarre women who are not much older than me that walk into a room and survey the single girls with a pitying stare while clinging for dear the life to their husband’s arm as he proceeds to spend the whole evening with his eyes firmly glued to my derriere. Should I then be so foolish as to attempt to engage one of these insipid dishrags in conversation, she will invariably ask, “Are you engaged?” When I shake my head to indicate that I am not she will always come out with the words that she has been dying to say since she first walked in, “Don’t worry, just have patience and your time will come. One day maybe you will be as lucky as I am.” Thanks, but no thanks lovie….how about you keep your lecherous ogre and I’ll keep my lunch in my stomach? Cheers.


5. Men who take up half of my seat on the Subway. Anatomy or not, there is no reason to sit with your legs so far apart. You are practically in the lotus position for crying out loud, and the last time I checked the subway car does not double as your yoga mat. Coming to think of it, I noticed that your subway fare was exactly the same as mine not 50% higher.

6. Trousers that don’t talk to shoes. It was a tough call between this one and Visible Panty Line, but the trousers won out because I am not sure how anyone can fail to notice how diabolical this looks. Fair enough, it takes a two-way mirror for those who refuse to embrace the thong to understand the impact of that V staring at the whole world. But all you have to do with the trousers is look down. They are not even close to touching your shoes!! They are exposing white socks!!! Hello? Horrific! Plus VPL at least provides a source of entertainment; the trousers sadly just make me want to cry.


7. Rude waiters who get upset when my tip is paltry. I have moaned about this in the past, so no need to go into too much detail. I maintain that in my book, a tip has a zero beginning point and goes up depending on the level of service you provide. I tip excellently for excellent service, well for good and what is expected for mediocre. If I get very bad service from you and you are rude, then your tip will be paltry. If you want a good tip then don’t be rude. My money does not exist purely for the express purpose of paying your rent; you have to earn it. And no, wagging your finger in my face and moaning about bloody foreigners will not sway the outcome in your favour.

8. People who take that whole ‘ignorance is bliss’ thing in a disturbing direction. Why would any self-respecting person choose not to arm himself or herself with as much cerebral ammunition as possible? It just seems odd to always want to be the least informed person in any situation. Would you jump out of a plane without a parachute in the name of being cute? Ignorance is not bliss, knowledge is power.


9. Text message politics. I really miss the days when life wasn’t punctuated with the politics of text messaging. You simply saw or called each other to talk. The rules were much simpler that way. You didn’t have to agonise over sending a message that could not be retrieved, you could simply hang up the phone. I love texting, not sure how I ever lived without it, but it was so much more fun when things where less open to hours of overanalyses.


10. Jodie Foster. I was hard pressed to choose between Jodie Foster and Jessica Simpson for this prized spot, but then I was forced to remember that Jodie has been irritating me for far longer than Jessica, plus boldfaced Simpson’s name for any reason would just be wrong on so many levels. Poor Jodie, I have no idea what she did to bring my wrath crashing down on her so, but whenever I hear her say “Dr. Lecter” from behind that clenched jaw, I feel the urge to smash in the screen. A sign perhaps then that she irritates the shit out of me