The December Sojourn

Whew....I made it to the other side unscathed! Well, unscathed might be a bit of a stretch. I'm am still slightly traumatised by my journey over.

I am referring to the yearly trip across the Atlantic in December, traveling home for the holidays. There is nothing that I hate more than having to board a transatlantic flight in December. This is because it is guaranteed to give me all kinds of headaches, of the West African variety. I am one of those people who always catches the latest flight I can out of New York, in order to allow me to fall asleep at JFK and wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at Heathrow. This strategy works fine all year round until December rears it's head, and then all bets are off.

I found my seat on the lane with a fair amount of trepidation, but then noticed that both seats beside me and the one in front of me were empty. I heaved a sigh of relief, stowed my bags away and settled in prepared to sleep all the way to London. My bliss was short lived of course as two gentlemen soon walked up and claimed both seats next to mine. Still, I thought to myself, no need to assume the worst they probably want to sleep as badly as I do, after all it is midnight. But sadly, this was not to be the case. They introduced themselves to me and proceeded to tell me that they were on their way to Onitsha and Abuja respectively. 'That's nice' I said before popping my earplugs in and turning on my ipod in the hope that this would dissuade them from further attempts at familiarity. But of course, Nigerians are a resilient breed and all hopes of them taking the hint were dashed when the Mr X sitting beside me demanded to know why I was heading to London and not Nigeria. For a moment, I entertained the idea of telling him to shut up and leave me alone, but I am still hard-wired to show respect, even when people are seriously pissing me off!

I explained that I was spending the holidays with my family in London, and then for good measure threw in some information about how tired I was and finished it off with a dramatic yawn. This ought to have shut even the most pig-headed of people up, but Messrs X and Y were not to be deterred, and they went on some riff about youth of today and how they were losing touch with their roots. I simply nodded along and then just when it looked like they might just take the hint and bugger off, a new challenger entered the arena. Mr W who had taken his seat in front of me at some point without my noticing piped up. 'It is true, the young ones are the same in Ghana. Young lady, you should really have a better appreciation of your heritage.' I would have been able to let it go, had he not had the audacity to turn round and wag his finger in my face.

'I'm sorry, Messrs X, Y and Z......What have you done for your countries lately? Are you going back to be with your families or to demonstrate that you are big boys? Are you going back to give to your communities or to spend you 419 wealth in Saipan and Churrascos? Are you going back to encourage people to forge ahead or to attempt to put them down with your ill-gotten gains. If you are so abominably rich, what are you doing sitting back here in cattle-class with me? Shouldn't you be up there in first-class sipping some champagne, lying on an individual seat where you will unable to torture anyone else with your perceived truisms?'

Taken aback, Mr X looks at me and immediately falls back on the standard response of your average West African male over the age of 30 when he knows that he has been verbally shown up by a woman, 'No wonder you are not married. Which man will want a wife who doesn't know how to talk to her elders?'

'To be quite honest Mr X, your opinion is of no consequence to me as I have no intention of ever marrying or even befriending anyone who exhibits symptoms of the level of crass stupidity and ignorance that you have just displayed!'

Damn that felt good....Watching them settle back into their seats with shock on their faces, all the while shaking their heads, I felt a surge of satisfaction so strong it must have shown on my face. I understand the importance of respecting my elders, but some people just need a good showing up. Needless to say, they didn't bother me for the rest of my flight.

Of course, the minute I disembarked at Heathrow, I was approached by Mr W on his way from Toronto to Lagos........... But that is another story for another day!