On Naija mothers
Recently, the naija blogsphere has been abuzz with heated debate over the actions of the naijaman with comments flying back and forth about where various camps stand on his inherent behaviour. My involvement in the debate was prompted by the exchange between obifromsouthlondon and Soul and several other people gave their opinions and vice-versa. This whole issue had me thinking about the sacredness of mothers.
I know this subject is semi-taboo to some, but I just had to go there. As women, we know exactly what qualities we abhor in men. This is very easy to see, so why does all this go out of the window when it comes to raising the young men of tomorrow? If several Naija men are under fire for unacceptable behaviour, then I sincerely believe that their mothers should also be taken to task.
Let's be clear, I am in no way suggesting that fathers are not also responsible for the upbringing of their children, but I strongly feel that women are more sensitive to what qualities they desire in a man and as such, the onus is on them to ensure that their offspring reflect those.
BEWARE: Massive generalisation about to take place!
Naija mothers are quick to show their daughters how important it is to know how to sweep the floor and prepare ogbono. I would appreciate it if a little more of that time could be dedicated to teaching their sons how to address ladies.
Naija mothers are quick to tell their daughters how to act ladylike in order to snag a good man. I would appreciate if they spent more time teaching their sons how to be decent husbands.
Naija mothers are quick to talk about shameless girls and be glad that their daughters are not like that. I would appreciate if they spent more time rebuking their sons for their philandering ways.
Naija mothers are quick to adopt the philosophy 'boys will be boys'. I would appreciate it if they spent more time teaching their sons how to be men.
I don't think the phenomenon is exclusive to Naijamen and their mothers, I believe the issue in question has a much wider scope than I can cover in this post, but I chose Naija because that was what the previous debate focused on. It is important to note that for the most part, mysogynsts are not born..they are made. So when mothers are spending all their energy turning their daughters into ladies, it would be nice if they saved some for their sons. What is the point of raising all those ladies, if there are only beasts available for them to marry?
I know this subject is semi-taboo to some, but I just had to go there. As women, we know exactly what qualities we abhor in men. This is very easy to see, so why does all this go out of the window when it comes to raising the young men of tomorrow? If several Naija men are under fire for unacceptable behaviour, then I sincerely believe that their mothers should also be taken to task.
Let's be clear, I am in no way suggesting that fathers are not also responsible for the upbringing of their children, but I strongly feel that women are more sensitive to what qualities they desire in a man and as such, the onus is on them to ensure that their offspring reflect those.
BEWARE: Massive generalisation about to take place!
Naija mothers are quick to show their daughters how important it is to know how to sweep the floor and prepare ogbono. I would appreciate it if a little more of that time could be dedicated to teaching their sons how to address ladies.
Naija mothers are quick to tell their daughters how to act ladylike in order to snag a good man. I would appreciate if they spent more time teaching their sons how to be decent husbands.
Naija mothers are quick to talk about shameless girls and be glad that their daughters are not like that. I would appreciate if they spent more time rebuking their sons for their philandering ways.
Naija mothers are quick to adopt the philosophy 'boys will be boys'. I would appreciate it if they spent more time teaching their sons how to be men.
I don't think the phenomenon is exclusive to Naijamen and their mothers, I believe the issue in question has a much wider scope than I can cover in this post, but I chose Naija because that was what the previous debate focused on. It is important to note that for the most part, mysogynsts are not born..they are made. So when mothers are spending all their energy turning their daughters into ladies, it would be nice if they saved some for their sons. What is the point of raising all those ladies, if there are only beasts available for them to marry?
posted by Monef at 5:47 PM
7 Comments:
Well said, Monef....but to be fair to the mothers, many of them would support the behaviour of their sons because that's the way they were brought up... I'd like to say that the current generation of young Nigerian mothers will do better, but I'm afraid not- many of my friends and classmates are still perpetuating the stereotypes that lead to the kind of behaviour you complain about
Well said!
PREACH PREACH!!!!
I was speaking to a guy the other day about cooking and do you know what he told me, he said that his mother taught him that it was an abomination for a husband to be in the kitchen, while the wife was there, that as far as she is concerned that is a badly trained wife!!!
Can you imagine, i told him that your mother taught you wrong, no wonder at the age of 36 he still is searching for the "one", his attitude stinks!!!
I agree with UK naija, our generation will do much better.
As my girl child dey enter kitchen, so does the male child oh!
I will teach the boy that housework is for everyone and also most importantly how to RESPECT women, no matter her condition, status or outlook.
I have to agree with you, Monef. I was talking with my female bosses the other day and they were talking about (promted by my presence as an unmarried 20sthg Nigerian woman) that they know all these young ladies that are becoming increasingly self-sufficient but have no men because the men seemingly can't handle it. This caused them to wonder if we're raising strong women but weak men in this country. It sure seems like it to me.
I hear ya. My girlfriend recently pointed out the double standards in my attitudes to child rearing. Any daughters I have (and please God only give me daughters if I've already got 2 boys) must be virgins till their marriages at 24 while my boys will be given large stashes of condoms from age 13 (cause its alright to dip but don't be bringing no girl back home with no big belly).
Oh and before anyone starts screaming about my plea to God about boys, its only cause I don't know how to entertain girls (and of course I want my boys to grow up to .. be.. captains ..of ..the ..green ..eagles!)
The modern parlance is that: What is good for the goose is good for the gander. But in African culture, the gander must be restrained and not allowed to wander about like the goose.
Yes, Why is it that a man or boy is allowed to keep several girlfriends and no one raises an eyebrow? Infact, he is hailed as an 'achiever' and in the case of the married man, it is indeed the norn. Why are boys encouraged to sow their 'royal oats' (oats ko, porridge ni) lol and any ladies 'dropping' before they sign the dotted lines have eyebrows raised at them? It does take two to tangle u know.
Naija mothers should get over that old adage that the boy child is king of the manor as time and time again, several families can attest that it is the rejected baby girls who have turned out to be the cornerstones of their familes while the overpampered males have turned out to be a failure mainly due to favouritism on the part of the mothers. Why give condoms to ur son to try it out on another person's daughter? Surely u wouldnt be happy finding condoms in ur daughter's bedroom given to her by her boyfriend for 'safekeeping' lol.
Naija mothers should learn that these are modern times and that their precious, much loved and over pampered egg 'the boy child ' may not always turn out better than the overworked and underloved girl child.
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