Breaking Up

Is so hard to do. The break up with the person isn't even the hardest part. The real toughie is saying goodbye to the illusion of the person that once was. And now, I am breaking up with a 29-year illusion...it doesn't get much tougher than that.

What could be harder than saying goodbye to yesterday? I'm saying hello to a series of tomorrows in which you no longer matter. Not like you used to. And even though your star which once shone so brightly for me has diminished gradually through the years, I never thought anything would put that light out permanently. For years now you have slipped further and further off that pedestal, but I was so sure you would figure out how to apply the brakes. And so I held steadfast, stayed true, certain that for all the cracks that appeared beneath your shiny surface our bond was unbreakable. But you proved me wrong. Fell right off the lofty apex of my expectations and slid ever closer to the precipce until suddenly, without warning, you dropped right off the edge into the abyss of my contempt.

A black hole in my heart I never thought you could occupy. I don't see any way back for us. It feels like the end. I've known disappointments in my life, many at your hand, but somehow this cuts deepest. Cuts right to the quick. Pierces the depths of my soul and fills me with a cynicism I had no idea I was capable of feeling. This is the legacy of our long running love affair. I look upon your face and I am overwhelmed by the loss. Staggered by the magnitude of your betrayal. There is no panacea for what ails me. I'm mourning the person you were, mourning the bond we had, mourning the person you could have been. It is over between us - once and for all.